“I shall look at the world through tears. Perhaps I shall see things that dry-eyed I could not see.” – Nicholas Wolterstorff
On June 16, 2016, my life plunged into pitch-black darkness, when my oldest son Chase died in a car accident.
The death of a child is like having a bright light suddenly extinguished in the middle of the night and not being able to see anything until your eyes adjust to the dark. It takes time, as little by little you begin to make out shapes and textures. The death of a loved one, the death of a relationship, or the death of our dreams … all can send us to the edge of losing our faith. It’s a sudden shift from light to dark, and only very slowly does one begin to perceive what was once familiar.
Maybe loss or death has invaded your life in a way you didn’t anticipate, and you’re trying to navigate your pain or that of those around you. I’ve been where you are. When life disappoints us, and when we feel God has disappointed us, it’s easy to lose hope.
I wrote Walking in the Dark to help process the many questions I faced.
You won’t find in my book, me glossing over hard questions we all share. You will find a long-time Christian struggling with truths I thought I knew about God and about myself, hoping to rediscover something solid to hold onto after my world came crashing down around me.
I’ve had to wrestle with God for myself, for my family, and for my community. But what I’ve found is a God willing to listen to our cries and questions, and what I’ve come to believe is stronger and more sustaining.
This book is not written from the place of pitch black that was my reality for many, many months. Rather, it chronicles my struggling, my searching, and my fighting to allow the light to slowly illuminate my path once again.
My hope is that you’ll find a safe place to explore your questions and doubts or help a friend or family member do the same when life doesn’t make sense. And perhaps this book can act as a lamp for you. It will not illuminate you entire path, but it might help you take one more step.
Walking in the Dark is now available on Amazon.com.